I had a wake up call last week, when, after a skin cancer that had bugged me for months, I finally did something about it. I had been ‘putting it off’, not for any reason than being busy and not getting around to it, then a nurse friend finally pushed me to take action, and as a result, I found myself with reasonably major surgery in plastics at Hutt Hospital. They not only had two goes at getting the major part removed with a large incision on my neck, but two further incisions to have lymph nodes removed from my neck and from the auxiliary (under arm) too.
This surgery makes me reflect on the many direct cremations we have had over the last few years, many families have thought they would have a cremation first and a memorial service later, but when it came to doing a memorial they ‘put it off’, not for any reason than being busy and not getting around to it.
Many of these families have since engaged the services of the Loss and Grief Centre Kapiti as they are not coping well. An example of a group taking action when needing help was a ‘walking group’ that asked to do a tour of the crematorium and chapel, I found out later that a member had had a cremation with no farewell and they needed to see where she went and needed a physical way to say goodbye.
‘Put it off, not for any reason than being busy and not getting around to it,
I think when we are asked what ‘we want’ for a funeral, for a farewell, we often respond with “do what you like” or “just go straight to the crematorium” but we forget those who will grieve. Maybe we should ask “What would help you, family and close friends when I go”. You see the funeral, the farewell, is for the living, those that need to go on and remember.
So my advice, don’t ‘put off’ thinking about what would help, Write down your favourite music, poems, readings, scripture, childhood stories, and help those close to you when the time comes.
Andrew Malcolm
