Let me tell you a story – by Andrew Malcolm
“He doesn’t want a funeral”, said his mate who was assigned the task to make funeral arrangements. The executor confirmed only enough funds for an unattended cremation, yet I knew not having a funeral would make long term grieving difficult for the friend. I needed to respect the deceased wishes with the desire to honour his sole friend and help him grieve well. I think I did both! I arranged the paperwork, booked the cremation for 10.15 the next morning and then made a phone call. “I am driving to the crematorium at 10 am, would you like to come and say farewell as I head off,” I asked. I explained it wouldn’t cost extra as I had to leave then anyway. He agreed to I’ll think about it.
The next day I had the hearse ready at the front of the chapel, the flag over the cardboard casket, and the back of the hearse open and poppy at the ready. He turned up in his full military attire. With a handshake I greeted him and said I would give him a minute as I wasn’t quite ready to go. I went inside, turned the outside speakers on, and played the “Last Post”. He stood to attention, placed the poppy and stood back at ease. I then came outside and still with a tear in his eye he shook my hand profusely with repeated words of thanks for making this a meaningful farewell.
Conclusion
Kapiti hosts the little-known Loss & Grief Centre, a rare resource in the Wellington area and one of few in New Zealand. The largest counterpart, in Auckland, revealed intriguing statistics that close to 100% of counselling was specifically for unresolved grief, stemming from the absence of farewells at the time of death. Simply put, the inability to bid farewell hinders grieving. Financial constraints often deter people from choosing a funeral, yet the emotional toll warrants real consideration. The recommendation is to discuss affordable farewell alternatives with a Funeral Director, emphasizing the importance of facilitating meaningful farewells for effective grieving and honouring lives.
